Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Childless at Christmas

Being childless at Christmas -for some- can be nearly as hard as Mothers or Fathers Day.  In general, Christmas is centered around kids.  So what is Christmas like for us?

Well, being in the 'bum luck' crowd is from where I speak.  There are some brutal truths forthcoming.  And I want to say right now that I don't feel this way today.  You follow?  As time goes by, things get better and better.  Which is a beautiful thing. 

This is years worth of thoughts and feelings for you to consider when dealing with your own friends or loved ones who have been slapped by that 'bum luck'.  A shoe on the other foot!  The funny thing about "feelings" is that there is no right or wrong, just ownership. 

So here goes your peek:

1)  We are not second class citizens.  Because we don't have to put someone down for a nap is it OK to assume we can roam about with out a care in the world?  Treat us with the same considerations that anyone deserves, don't punish us for being childless.  We've done enough of that to ourselves.

2)  We still have lives, loves, hopes and dreams.  Our lives are not worthless nor empty.  They just aren't 'full' of the same things.  Now how wonderful is that?  Isn't that every one's wish?

3)  We aren't stupid.  IQ has not, never was, nor ever will be based upon whether or not we had kids.  Do not disqualify us!  We simply 'know' different things.

4)  We are approachable, even when it hurts.  Are you pregnant or planning?  Don't be afraid to tell us.  Yes it can hurt for us.  But for as much as it may momentarily sting, we still rejoice for you.  I do. 

5)  Never assume we didn't want children.

6)  And my new favorite comeback line...knowing there is a little 'homesteader' in us.  When that rude and slightly jealous person asks, "Gee, is there nothing you can't do?" 
My response, "Yes, make babies."  That'll shut'em up.

We are just people.  The measure of our worth is based on things like who we are, where our hearts are, how we treat others and how we live.   

So I don't know if I answered the question "What is Christmas like for us?"

Same as it is for you of course!  IT'S CHRISTMAS!  It's too many parties, driving in the snow, making cookies, wrapping presents, being with family and on and on!  But mostly...It's a Miracle to be Celebrated!!

Life is beautiful!

We are thankful! 

We are blessed...Even though we are childless!


  1. It's bad enough to have to deal with a difficult situation like being childless, but having to deal with insensitive folks is a real slap in the face. Good for you for meeting it head on. And for working toward a place of grace in your lives. Merry Christmas!

  2. Yes, dear Apple Pie Girl, you are blessed . . . with a beautiful spirit.

    I can relate from a little different angle when you speak of being childless.

    I'll never experience having a grandchild. That makes Christmas less for me in many ways, too. I'll never have the joy of holding my daughter's child, of passing along what I might to her child. I won't see the delight in my daughter's eyes as she sees her child at her/his first, second or third Christmas. I'll miss out on that whole portion of what might have been a normal, integral part of my life. Like you I've made peace with it. Like you my life is full of things other than being a grandmother and all that would entail. We all have to learn to handle what we have to deal with and go on being the best we can be. It does make me feel different, but won't keep me from celebrating the season.

  3. Leigh, I think I really like your choice of words. "Grace" Thank you for sharing that!

    MamaPea, I didn't not cry once while writing that post (a good thing). But you just made me cry. One thing I love is perspective. I have often times thought of my Dad in that same respect. And much like I feel for him, I felt the same heartache for you. I know that I can deal with it. But it just isn't fair that you guys as the 'grandparents' would suffer as well. I am so sorry! Yet so thankful that you too have a full life and found peace with it.

    You are just flippin' awesome.

  4. I am thankful for having you in my life diana you have me jenny girl so always now that

  5. Love this post... well written! While I cannot relate to this (yet...) it could be said about having had family members die young (I lost both a dad & step-dad by age 23) or miscarriage/loss of a child. Plain and simple there are a lot of unthoughtful people out there. There are also a lot of people who just don't mean to be hurtful. In any case, this was a nice little reminder!

  6. You said it..."We are Blessed".

    It is a different kind of blessing though. I suppose it can tear some couples apart but it's made us stronger. (SM and I are "wierdly" tight.)

    We think about the "what if's" sometimes...I suppose that's true of all of us.

    But we've accepted "who" we are now as a family and I can tell you from being a bit "older" that it does get (easier/better).

    But you'll still have moments like this one where you have tears running down your face for all the lost possibilities.

    Hugs to you both!

  7. Insensitive people suck, and I think your homesteader come back line is awesome!! You are blessed my dear, with a positive attitude as well...something EVERYONe could learn from!

  8. JennyGirl, you will always be my first daughter.

    Tami, yup, hubby and I are as you say "wierdly" tight too with the same closeness. Which is just one of the many blessings. And we do consider even just him and I -a family. I personally think we are a very lucky little unit and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

    MamaTea, if I could write as good as you (write books dammit!) then I could have said it better even. There are very few moments of negativity any more. No one likes a Debbie Downer!

  9. Ms Chelsi, no 'yet'. You my dear wont need that word. Often times loss or lack of a child is considered akin to a death. So you bring empathy to the table and that is beautiful right there. Any time you can have compassion in your life, you will always have it returned to you. Good job little girl!

  10. I don't know why people ask anything. I have never asked someone why they HAVE kids. I have also never asked anyone why they have on that terrible hairpiece, why they think they look good squeezed in that dress, or who told them they could sing. Sometimes you just keep your mouth shut.

  11. Oh Jane, more for my list of "Things Jane Says". Love it! I thought of another for you...when asked why:

    Because someone said once you have kids you turn into your mother.


    Because Mom said she hopes when I have kids they turn out just like me.

    Now that could be scarey! HA!

  12. Jane, you gave me a chuckle again. To be a little irreverent here, we were married for 8 years before we managed to pop out our one and only child. I can't begin to count how many times we were asked when we were going to have children. Or why we hadn't started our family. My dear hubby used to say one of two things. Either "We're not sure we're going to stay together so don't want to bring children into the mix yet." Or he would say, "I don't really like kids." He was an elementary school teacher. :o)

  13. Who ever said laughter is the best medicine was one funny (and smart) cookie!

    Not sure we're going to stay together...don't like kids the school teacher says! HAAAHAA!

    I think PapaPea is one funny dude!

    Jane, you've been married 18 years, right? I vote you go with the first response MamaPea offered up. Then have your camera ready to snap their faces!

  14. That makes me feel so good diana.You r the best you have been teaching me a lot tough the years i mean this from the bottom of my heart you r a great mom to me and.I love you very much a yokkie i want

  15. You struck a chord with me. I am childless as well - and husbandless, too, but that's a whole 'nuther can of worms. I've had many years to work on responses, but it still gives me a bit of a sting when people make assumptions. And I am sure it has more than a little to do with the fact that I am elbow deep in furred, feathered and wooled dependents. You are a funny, lovely person and have a wonderful outlook on life. I'm so happy to have 'virtually' met you! Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  16. Susan, never under estimate the power of furry friends! They make us smile, give lots of kisses, love us no matter what, seldom talk back and they clean up crumbs on the floor. That is better than just about any man! Wouldn't ya say? Merry Christmas to you to dear friend! Is it 1pm yet?

  17. This is a wonderful post, and you said it all beautifully. You know my story, 'nuff said - this is YOUR words and I love them all! Merry Christmas to someone whose life is full love, laughter, energy, wisdom, and friendship and it shows!

  18. I really appreciate this post. Not having children is not a disease or a punishment. Folks need to realize that and find something else to talk about.